


Conflict of the Mind

by Ali3ghouse



Category: Jessica Jones (TV)
Genre: Conscience, F/M, Hurt, Jess and Kilgrave together, Mental Conflict, Mistrust, Pre-Series, Temporary Lucidity
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-02
Updated: 2017-10-23
Packaged: 2018-07-28 22:09:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,788
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7658593
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ali3ghouse/pseuds/Ali3ghouse
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Based on a forum prompt:<br/>Something in relation to this quote from Alias:</p><p>"In my mind I can't tell the difference between what he made me do or say and what I do or say on my own. The only reason I know I wasn't in love with him is that I say to myself: How could I be? I hate him. That's it. That's what my sanity is holding on to. But that's where it ends. Other than that it feels like I was in love with him."</p><p>Jessica and Kilgrave are living together, before she manages to break free. Yet there's something there in the corner of her mind, when he hasn't quite got full control, that breaks through... Hope this does the prompt justice and you enjoy!</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This prompt was posted on a Jessica Jones forum from last year, and I was bored and wanted something to write for JJ (because I hadn't written anything for it yet)... Hope you like?

A burst of lightning lit up the room forcing Jessica's eyes open, even if it only hung for a millisecond. Kilgrave was unmoved by the flash, instead murmuring slightly as Jess got up out of bed to get a glass of water.

As she walked down the hallway to the bathroom where said glass sat, she glanced at a clock which sat on the burgundy-painted wall; 4:56 it read, still a number of hours before Kilgrave would likely rise from bed.

* * *

As she reached the bathroom and switched on the light, a small murmur appeared at the back of her mind. Initially, she indulged it and listened in: _Jess, you know it isn't right. You know you don't want to be here…_

She turned away, blocking the thought from her mind and downing the full glass of water. Her vision returned to the mirror in front of her as the glass clunked slightly against the sink, and for a moment she saw her mind – broken at the hands of an evil man-

"No," she cursed at herself, but she was unable to break this image from her mind, of her lost, despondent… all alone at Kilgrave's beck and call.

* * *

"JESSICA? Where are you, darling?" _Oh great, he's up-_

"Stop it," She murmured to no-one in particular as she saw the Brit stumble up out of bed and towards her over her shoulder in the mirror. He got closer to her and she put on a smile, but whether she was fooling her ~~captor~~ lover or herself was yet to be seen.

"Are you okay?" He asked lazily, placing one hand on her right shoulder and stroking up her vest-covered back with the other.

"Of course I am!" She responded gleefully, while one corner of her mind sighed and tutted at her.

After a moment of silence where Jessica expected some instruction of where their love would take them next, Kilgrave yawned before proclaiming "Well if you're alright I'll go back to bed. See you in a bit."

* * *

As he headed back to the bedroom, Jess couldn't help looking back at him with mouth slightly open. _You see?_ Her thoughts whispered, _he doesn't care as long as you're here. You're his._

She couldn't believe it, didn't want to, this man she loved so strongly… or did she? Thinking back the last time he'd asked her to do anything was… well, last night. He headed out at 8 o'clock at night to play poker (that egotistic side of him coming through) and told Jessica not to go to bed too late.

In fact, Jessica headed to bed as soon as he left so as not to disappoint and lay there. That made it nearly nine hours since she had received ~~orders~~ directions from Kilgrave, and all of a sudden she felt an overwhelmingly warm sense that something wasn't right flood back into her mind.

* * *

"What are you doing in there?" Kilgrave called from the bedroom, and just before she was about to answer honestly her mind cried _Wait! Think of something more… acceptable._

"Just thinking," was the best thing her mind could come up with under the pressure, and Kilgrave scoffed.

"Well you don't want to be doing that, it's dangerous. Stop it." All of a sudden, her mind cleared, and those warm thoughts about something-or-other were replaced with equally warm and inviting thoughts about the man in the bed they shared, and how he lay there only in his boxers with messy hair.

"Come back to bed," he called, and out of nowhere that was what she wanted to do, more than anything; returning to bed seemed the best idea in the world.

* * *

She strolled back to the bedroom after another half-glass of water, running her hand along the wall of the corridor as she went, before looking into the room and seeing Kilgrave, appearing mildly bemused at her actions while propping himself up on the bed with his elbow.

Crawling back under the cover with him was a wonderful feeling, especially as he exhaled deeply and happily while sliding back down onto his back, with an arm wrapped around Jessica.

A few breaths later and he seemed to have dropped rather blissfully back into sleep, just leaving Jess to return too. But as she fell asleep, a small nudge appeared from the back of her conscience:

_"Don't forget – you hate him. You. Hate. Kilgrave."_


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Another of Jessica's more 'lucid' moments, while Kilgrave is busy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello there peoples!  
> I hadn't intended to write another part but people asked for it so here it is.
> 
> Additionally I know I haven't written in like a year but A-Levels consumed all of my time last year.
> 
> Anyway hope you enjoy! Suggestions/thoughts in the comment. 
> 
> I think it's bad but hope you enjoy...

Jessica looked out across Hell’s Kitchen - or rather, the part of Hell’s Kitchen she could see from the balcony of the flat she shared with Kilgrave.

Her “lover” had left early in the morning to attend to some ‘business’ apparently, leaving Jessica with the company of his security. _Wait, “lover”? With inverted commas?_

With the hours that had passed, a small voice had started punching a hole in the back of her consciousness, desperately trying to break through. It was easy to ignore initially, like white noise, but it was gaining volume and Jessica’s attention.  
Jess. _Jessica listen, please! You don't want to be here. You know it._

Her phone buzzes on the table and she sighs some sort of relief, to be able to focus on something other than her own common sense.

**This is going to take a while. Sorry Jess. Help yourself to the fridge.  
** **Kilgrave**

_Oh that's just charming. Screw him! Don't you see that you deserve better than this_?

Jessica thought it over, before turning round and striding through the flat, towards the stairs, and also towards the security- _Yes, yes!_

“… I'm getting takeout.” Jessica informed the approaching security guard.

_… Well that's not what I meant, but I could go for Chinese._  

* * *

 Oriental music humming in her ear and munching through a steaming bowl of chow mein, the little murmur found its opportunity to speak again.

_… That comment about the fridge, that wasn't an instruction, was it?_

“Guess not.” Jessica mumbled out loud.

_You can hear me! Well, you can hear yourself… that doesn't sound the least bit insane._

“Leave me alone.” Jess replied, a lot quieter than previously while scanning to see if anyone noticed her strange behaviour.

_Okay, firstly, I can't. I AM you. The real you._ Jess scoffed. _Second, you know this isn't right. If you deserved Kilgrave or he deserved you (not that that matters) or if any of this was right you wouldn't be listening to me._

“No, the reason I'm listening to you is becau-” She forced back the words, unwilling to admit them here, now, or potentially ever.

_… Because…?_

“‘Cos he hasn't told me not to."

_Exactly. Oh, it's like an epiphany. Right, come on then Jessica, this is your chance to get out. You can take the security!_

Jessica glanced over to the two typically huge security guards who stood just far enough to give Jessica (or anyone else) the illusion of them being alone, but really they're still hanging there and you know it.

_A bit like me then?_ Her inner voice called.

It was true, she could take them, easily, and be out of suburb before Kilgrave even batted an eyelid. Clearly he didn't really care, now did he?

_Give me one good example of when he ever cared about you. Without an instruction._

With the last spoon of Chinese delicacy gone, Jessica moved her hands underneath the table and clenched her fists.

* * *

 She sprung up from her seat, flying over her table towards the first guy. After a quick sprint she leapt up, grabbed his head and cracked it onto the counter. He stumbled slowly back up, Jess using the time to spin round and gut-punch another security guard who had rushed over.

Glancing round the room, she had three more at the door to contend with, and she swung her fist upwards to crack the nose of the lumbering security figure behind her, sending him screaming to the floor. To ensure the deal was done, she landed her elbow at his groin as he went down, and then kicked the second guy who had approached her in a similar location.

By this point (as one would hope) the security at the front of the restaurant had noticed, most likely after the first guy’s horrendous scream, and they started to cautiously approach her. A woman on the group’s left, extended what looked like a baton, but didn't get the chance to use it as Jessica placed a hand against her head and swiftly kicked her legs out from underneath her, and she hit the floor on her side.

Jess wrenched the baton from her hands and moved to the other two, one a stout woman and the other a rather spindly man who looked like he got more than what he signed up for. She set to whacking them with the baton, using short strokes side to side and then landing punches up into their jaws. It didn't take too long for them to go down, but Jessica resolved to think about the most effective way to use such a weapon.

Meanwhile she sped out of the restaurant, and down the road to the right before setting to leap up onto a building before-  
“Jessica? What the hell do you think you're doing?”

_Shit, come up with something quick!_ “Running away.” _Of course, can't rely on you to do anything can I!_

“Whatever from?” Jessica turned around and saw Kilgrave across the street.

_Focus on me, this is real-_ “From you.” _For fu-_

“I don't think you want to do that Jess. I can keep you safe, we’ve talked about this, yes?”

“We have.” _And I never believed you. Also, you don't get to call me that._

“Do you love me?” Kilgrave asked as he strode towards her.

“… No.” _Oh, this should be good!_

Kilgrave’s face contorted into some kind of disgust, and he whispered “Liar!” into her ear.

_Easy for you to say…_

They stood for a moment in silence, Kilgrave with the same grimace on his face looking her over, like she'd just relieved herself on the sidewalk. _I'm thinking of ‘relieving’ all over his shoes right now._

_Go, run, now!_ The voice screamed inside her head, but it was to no avail. Kilgrave broke their stupor the only way he knew how. “Come back with me, now, and I'll prove to you that you love me.”

_… How does that even work?_ Jessica’s conscience whined, but then it was falling into the background. While Jessica agreed to return home, her true self begged for her to listen.

_No, wait, please Jess, you know this isn't true, go get help from Trish please, just do SOMETHING JESSICA!_

And then it was gone, and she was riding in the back of a blacked-out vehicle at Kilgrave’s side.

 


End file.
